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I'm desperate for a relationship

I'm desperate for a relationship
Pat Dickson - Mon Dec 16, 2013 @ 07:32AM
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You are desperate for a relationship. This probably means you just broke up with someone, you are married or are with someone but they are like ice to you, you are married but separated, or you are recently divorced. Given your emptiness and agony, I offer you a riddle:

  • Being hungry for love turns your heart into a stomach.

Yes, another way to say what my riddle portrays to us is exactly what the psychologists often advise when a relationship dies: give finding a new relationship time because you still aren't mentally or emotionally in the right place. But, I am not a psychologist. I am just a lawyer who once practiced divorce and family law, and over the years I have seen so many of those close to me grind through bad or serial relationships. In fact, I don't necessarily claim to have more life experience than you have in having watched friends and family (or even ourselves!) so often experience severe consequences by doing just one thing. Being desperate for a relationship. My riddle is not professional advice as much as it is personal advice. It is just a contemplative way to look at a problem involving lost love or romantic loneliness.

Let us explore the riddle for just a moment. Being desperate for a relationship is like being hungry or starved for love. The heart is the metaphoric organ of loving. For the heart to be too hungry, it desires to feed, to consume, to devour, and to digest. It becomes more like a stomach than anything else. It is supposed to be an organ that thrives on love, or on loving, not on ingesting. So if it is starving or hungry (or desperate) it desires to consume love to fill its vacancy. To feed the heart the love it so desperately needs is to allow it to devour and digest, to utterly destroy the very object of its desire. The solution destroys itself. Does the heart thus not become as a vampire? An unfortunate victim is required. And once you are sated, what of your own guilt and remorse for having shed another's blood for the sake of your hunger? Not only this, the ultimate problem may be that once your heart has fed upon and digested the love it so desired, once again it is just as empty as before.

I have not answered the question of how to cope with being desperate for a relationship. I believe the answer is simple. Do not feed your heart as if you are a starving vampire in the night. Wait until your heart is ready to give love, not to devour it. In fact, wait until your heart finds joy in its emptiness, so that it never has to be fed again. It will find its greatest purpose in loving, not in being loved - not in consuming. Let your heart fast for a while. The hunger will diminish with time. Your heart will become a healthy organ again and will regain its color. 

As a closing remark, it is so often ironic to me that the people most desperate for a relationship are those who should be the least lonely of all of us. So often they are surrounded by their children, family members and friends, yet still they still seem to suffer the greatest of lost love's agonies. They are the most blessed. They have so many people to love.

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